I need sleep

okay, so just a disclaimer: for those not in the know, i don't capitalize or use a lot of punctuation, and i don't intend to start now.

so i've decided to start a blog to catalog the adventures (or misadventures) of a non-traditional, mid-thirties premed student, with a wife and four kids. this is something that doesn't happen to most people, and something i actually feel very privileged to be a part of. at 34, soon to be 35, who gets the opportunity to learn biology, and chemistry, and calculus. i used to worry about when my kids would bring home math homework, about not being able to help them. i don't worry about that anymore. instead i worry about being home to help them with it. and that is the hardest part about what i'm doing. i miss my family. i used to be in my underwear, all day, with my kids coming down and bugging me in my office, and hearing them jump from the kitchen counter and having the lights shake in my office as they would crash on to the floor. now, i'm settling for conversations via skype in the morning and at night, on particularly long days.

just for the record, this is my general schedule:

wake up: 5:20am

catch bus: 6:07am

study on bus: 6:07am-7:15am

study at library: 7:30am-9:30am

classes and study: 9:30am-6:45pm (or 9:30am-8:45pm tuesday and wednesday)

catch train and study all the way home: 6:45pm-8:30pm (or 8:45pm-10:30pm T and W)

when i get home, its like a little vacation every night. if the kids are up, i play with them and hear countless stories about all the important things in their days. we read scriptures and say family prayers, and they are off to bed. if they are already asleep, the best i get is a half-conscious "hey dad" and a not great smelling kiss. but i'll take it. then my wife and i get some time together. finally. the late night meals are not ideal, but its all we can do. that is my prized time, just laying on the couch, watching our favorite shows, pausing every five minutes to analyze "survivor" strategy, or for me to tell her some uninteresting story about school, that i can tell is making her eyes glaze over. she's got plenty of those same stories too. sometimes we pretend we're interested, sometimes we don't. we're honest like that. but that's what all this time away gives me: an appreciation of what i have.

so here's what i have: an eight year old minivan, and a '64 chevy impala. we love our cars, and don't need anything more. our '08 gmc yukon xl, is a distant memory (even the black rims). why did we need all that? who knows. we spilled a can of paint in the back of the minivan and didn't even blink an eye. its just a funny, thick, black, messy memory. we live in a basement of my parents second home in highland. somehow we crammed all of our stuff in this tiny space. and it fit. it's our home. and again, why did we ever need anything more. of course, anyone takes a dump, and we all feel it. and we're never far enough away when grandma starts cooking broccoli, but its all part of the experience. brooke, the other day, asked grandma if she could bring her up some dinner, to which she replied, "only if it's healthy and nutritious." sometimes i get flashes of the movie "duplex" in my head with her (you'll have to see the movie), and then she does things like sew up my 40 year old coat that i stole from my dad, and that softens me up again. but she keeps us laughing.

so most of the time i'll just write a quick review of what's been going on in my day, but for now i'm trying to play a little catch up. so quick catch up: last semester was my first semester, and i took biology, chem prep, college algebra and trig. i ended up with a 4.0, including highest in my class in algebra and trig. who knew i'd be good at math. i was really nervous. but school is the easy part. the hard part is all of the extracurricular stuff that you are expected to do as a premed. you need community service, patient care experience, research, leadership, and physician shadowing. so last semester i began working at the ER. its pretty trivial work. i pass out blankets to the patients and take patients to and from scans. but it exposes me to life in the hospital, and it's really interesting. i try to keep busy, so i've invented a lot of things to do there, and have got to peek in on a couple of traumas. it seems like an eternity until i'll actually be doing this kind of stuff. but if i ever get down on myself, a warm blanket is always close by to comfort me. at the end of the semester, i discovered the cancer wellness house, where i'm now doing community service. mostly handyman stuff and organizing. they need it. but i get to kind of be alone with my thoughts and make things better than i found them, so i love it. plus its about a five block walk down through some old homes, so i enjoy the time away from campus. campus is beautiful, by the way, with lots of trees and old buildings.

so this semester, i'm in biology evolution, gen chem I, and calculus. so far things are going well, i got 100 percent on all of my first exams, so i'm well on my way to my next 4.0. if i don't pass out from exhaustion first. yesterday, i went to an interview for a research opportunity at the huntsman cancer institute. my friend dustin referred me to one of his buddies from grad school. he was hesitant at first, about hiring an undergrad, with little to know lab experience. but we started talking and he found out that i had paid attention in my classes, and started to warm up. he told me he was starting some research on MS, which is obviously close to my heart, and when i told him my dad has MS, he got really interested. he wants someone he can train and then set loose to do his own work. thats exactly what i want. i don't want to be someone's lab rat, i want to do my own project, discover things, get published. i felt really good about this meeting, and can't wait to get started. i was talking to myself, laughing, punching the air...all the way to the bus stop. great meeting. of course this means more time out of my schedule. i'm probably going to have to start studying on saturdays now. but this is what i have to do. but i'll be doing that probably 8 to 10 hours a week, with ER 4 hours a week, and cancer wellness house 2 hours a week. i'll probably be a TA next semester which is another 8 hours a week. in addition to that, i'm becoming involved in AED, the premed honors society, and am the new VP of public relations. designing flyers, posters, recruiting, events... lots of extra work, and the student advisor wants me to run for Vice President of the charter at the end of the semester and then be president the next year. its good for the resume, so i'm sure i'll do it. i don't know how i'll fit it all in and still have time to study and be with my family, but as i'm discovering, a way always presents itself.

so anyway, as this blog title suggests, i'm tired. i almost passed out on the bus earlier this week. i don't know what that was, but i'm sure sleep played a factor. brookie and i stayed up too late last night (11:45), so 5:20 came way too soon. but the weekend is upon me. only a couple classes and a few dozen warm blankets stands in the way of me and my family for a two day mini-vacation. can't wait.